Whod you bang
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
