He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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