My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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