3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
