I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
