Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
