the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
