I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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