My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
