So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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