Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
