he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
