i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
