He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
