3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
