He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
