I think my vagina is haunted
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
