chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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