forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
