just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
