Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
