Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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