...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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