hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize