hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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