dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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