u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
