Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
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