and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
