Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
