Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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