I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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