We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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