if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize