What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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