im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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