Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize