cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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