I queefed so loud it echoed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
