It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
