i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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