You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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