dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
