There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
