I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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