that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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