just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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