I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
