after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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