There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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