I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
