hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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