im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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