god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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