Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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