absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
