I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize