I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
