Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
