Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
