sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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