she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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