and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize