So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
