Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
