I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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