and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this just has baby written all over it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
