You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
