Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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