she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize