she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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