you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
