Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
