you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
