I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
