I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
A bitchslap is in order.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize