You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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