Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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