If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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