i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
