I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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