he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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