i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
