She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
