Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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