recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
