toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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