"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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