Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How external is "for external use only"?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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