If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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