Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
