too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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