dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
