How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i've created a new STD.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
