my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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