I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
