I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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