It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
