I think my fart just growled at me.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
