So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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