Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
