dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
