so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize