is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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